Coaching vs. Advising

Update on recent goings on:

Mike and I had a very full and social weekend which you can read more about on his blog. We went to a cast party for The Tempest and an engagement party for our friends David and Shannan. We were also randomly super productive as I got measurements for my bridesmaids dress, donated books that I have been meaning to donate for forever, filed our taxes (okay I basically gave Mike all of my info and he did it for me), got my car washed/air in tires, and I also took a yoga class (first class in a long while I've taken that was taught by someone other than me)! I really really need to do that more often. I always carry a lot of tension in my neck/shoulders/hips and I felt SO much better after.

Difference between advising and coaching:

I've been thinking a lot about the differences between my old job and new one. My title used to be  "Academic Advisor" and now is "College Success Coach".  To further confuse you, my degree is in Counseling which focused more on mental wellness than academic success. Obviously, there is a ton of overlap in these areas/titles which can make it easy to transition to different fields, but also frustrating that there is little sense of career 'path' or professional identity. Here are the differences between the two positions (specific to my experiences) as I now see them:

Advisor: focuses on registration, translating academic policies of institution, resource on campus for students that students must seek out, can help students choose major or pursue chosen degree path (institution specific), can refer to other resources on campus, larger caseload (I used to have 250 advisees)

College Success Coach: supports student in all areas of life which could affect academic success including finances (applying for financial aid), transfer planning (many of our students start out at community college and then need help transferring to another institution), major and career development (changing majors/career paths or choosing paths), academic support (identifying resources and opportunities), smaller caseload (I now coach 60 Scholars)

I think the most important differences to me are the caseload size and institutional/organizational agenda. As a coach, I'm able to give much more intense and individualized support with a smaller caseload. Also: Because I work for a non-profit organization, I'm only accountable to my non-profit's goals and mission not any particular institution's agenda. While non-profits do survive off of donations (let me know if you want to donate to mine!), our executive director mostly handles that and I get to focus on my sole responsibility of student success.

Because I have a lot more time to focus on teaching moments and investing in the specific needs of my Scholars, I get to focus on more than just the transactional details. However, I'm also realizing how many more obstacles there are to student success than just registration and picking a major. I hope to share more about those in later blog posts.

Rose. Bud. Thorn.

Rose (something I'm loving lately): My new job! I went with my coworkers last Friday after a retreat to Total Wine for free wine tasting and bought some New Age wine! Mike's mom first introduced it to me and I'm so glad I found it up here. also THIS bread: http://ohsheglows.com/2009/02/03/honey-raisin-banana-pumpkin-bread/

Bud (something I'm looking forward to): Going to Disney World in about a month and a half! I cannot wait!

Thorn (something I could live without): The cold weather! When will it end? The number of layers I've been wearing is ridiculous. My current desktop background is Olaf (from Frozen) on the beach.

Impromptu Therapy Session

Some random personal insights from my first meeting with my new executive director:

• BOOKS: Two books that she recommended for me to read are "Lean In" (has been on my list for a while and "Mindset" (now on my list). I ordered "Lean In" off Amazon tonight. 
• JUDGMENT: You cannot judge others and not judge yourself. When you are in your judgment space, you are judging everyone, including yourself, and sometimes that is why we are out to judge others...to try to alleviate the pressure of our own judgment. You have to simply let go of the judgment and start acting on compassion towards yourself and others to break out of that cycle.
• DOING VS. BEING: Being is separate from doing. What we do is not always reflective of who we are. 'Doing' is an objective fact or action, but 'being' is something that we wrestle with only in our heads. While 'being' is actually the more stable of the two, we sometimes let them interfere with each other. Something we do may affect our own sense of 'being' or how we think of ourselves affects our actions. 
• ASSUMING/ACTING AS IF: Otherwise known as 'fake it til you make it', "acting as if" is a therapeutic principle that asks others to act as the person they want to see themselves as. Apparently this comes up in Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In" a lot, but this also resonates with my brief theater experience in the Fall. The ability to get into a character can be defensive, offensive, or an agent of change in your own life!
• INTO BODY, OUT OF BRAIN: We talked a lot about remaining present and how our brain can deceive us into thinking it always has the answer to our problems. Remaining present in our bodies and observing thoughts/feelings as they come helps to discern which thoughts should be kept and which ones should be let go.
• SERVING OTHERS: She made the insightful observation that I may sometimes unknowingly try to help or protect others in the way I want(ed) to be served or protected. 1) She's completely right. 2) I then blurted out "But they don't even care!" and she replied "I know!" Basically, I have good intentions, but everyone does not need or want to be served in the ways I would want to and perhaps I should invest more of that effort in caring for myself in those ways. 

Anyway, it was a really wonderful conversation and I'm really excited to continue to learn from her.

I also watched this talk on Psalm 16 by Shauna Niequist online when I got home and it certainly fit with my introspective theme of the day. Right around 26:30/27, things get real:

http://media.willowcreek.org/midweekexperience/psalm-16/#content

Tomorrow we have a day long semester planning retreat! Yay!

First Week Recap! & Polar Vortex: Round 2

I haven't been to work yet this week (MLK day, then working from home yesterday and today) so I figured I'd give you all a recap of how my first week of orientation went at my new job! My 2 week orientation may very well turn out to be a 1 week orientation anyway due to this crazy weather.

First Week Recap

When I started my first day last Monday, I was still struggling with a  tinge of self doubt. How could I be sure I had made the right decision? (Still working on my word of the year!) What if I was in over my head and they thought they had hired someone more experienced than I actually am? Well, all fears were put pretty instantly at ease.

First, context of exactly what it is that I do. The nonprofit that I work for aims to get underserved and first generation students to college and through college. I was a first generation student myself. My dad has a high school degree and my mom obtained her Associate's, so (being the oldest) I was the first child in my immediate family to get a Bachelor's degree. I had a lot of help from a college access counselor in my high school who was incidentally also sponsored by a local nonprofit and whom the Executive Director at my new job actually knows. Guidance counselors were overrun with behavioral issues and just getting students to graduate high school so my college access counselor provided support that I wasn't getting anywhere else.

I remember her having numerous conversations with my dad about the FAFSA (which he was hesitant to provide tax information for) and helping me with the application process. I was fortunate to get into William and Mary Early Decision. I also applied to JMU Early Action which was not binding. The process, though, was SO MUCH easier for me than what high school students go through today. Our students apply to an average of 7 schools and have much less familial, school, and financial support. So we try to make up for that gap in support on both the high school and the college side. I'll be working with college students to help them be successful in their undergraduate education. I'll probably be posting more on this later, so just wanted to provide some background:) Back to orientation...

Week One Highlights:

• Day 1: Receiving a free wifi hub for when I travel and need internet, ordered new business cards, and jumping right in and working with students on my first day!
• Day 2: I got to review the Scholars that are coming onto my caseload and get some information on their goals and challenges from the other coaches. Eating Thai out with my new coworkers and having some excellent shrimp fried rice.
• Day 3: Filmed an intro video to share with my students on the organization's Facebook account and drafted my first email to my new students!
• Day 4: Working with more high school students and set up my new office space!
• Day 5: Got a background check and explored downtown Bethesda, MD a little.

Everyone was so welcoming and sweet to me during my first week! I tend to be a little quiet and shy when first meeting new people, but I think that really lasted only about 3 days and I'm already starting to feel like a contributing member of the team. 

My BIGGEST take-away from the first week was how energized, motivated, and excited everyone is to do their job. And THAT feeling is, as it turns out, contagious:)

Polar Vortex: Round 2

This time, I did a few things differently.

• Went to gym Tues. morning BEFORE storm hit to combat the inevitable cabin fever.
• Stocked up on groceries the night before and filled my car tank with gas.
• Made sure the pipes were insulated to keep them from freezing over again. (Well, made sure that Mike took care of this:)..)
• I also took my Little (sorority little sister) Jenny up on an invitation to get lunch downtown during the beginning of the snowstorm because I knew I wouldn't be able to get out of the house later on. I bussed there and back and we ate at District Taco which where I had some amazing fish tacos! She is recently engaged and, at lunch, asked me to be a bridesmaid for her July wedding! I can't wait to be a part of her special day, which is looking to be kind of a big event. Is it bad that I'm already nervous about walking in and standing in front of people? That last time I was in a wedding was as a flower girl when I was 7 or 8. In any case, I'm so excited!

Other goings on...

• Mike's friend David Husband and his girlfriend, Shannan, who we have hung out with many times also just got engaged! We are hoping to see them this upcoming weekend to celebrate!
• My family came in from out of town last weekend and brought my nephew. All I want to do is hold him! We went to Tortilla Coast, a regular in the dining out rotation of Mike and me. 
• Last weekend, Mike and I also helped celebrate the 25th birthday of one of our favorite 1L friends from Cabaret, Sarah. It was at a bar and the atmosphere made us feel INCREDIBLY old (Seriously, as soon as we got there MJ and I gave each other a look that said "People actually do this for fun?"), BUT as soon as Sarah and her friends got there it was actually really fun and great to reunite with her. 

Auntie Kelsey and Baby Ashton. A little fuzzy, but I like that you can see more of his shirt "Apple of mom's eye" :)

Mike and Baby Ashton. Look at those blue eyes!

So glad I got to see him:)

27 So Far

Polar Vortex

I've had a good streak of going to the gym this week. That, unfortunately, has more to do with the fact that pipes freezing/bursting (and my gym has showers) than any increase in workout motivation. I also worked out, but only because I would have felt weird JUST to use their shower. Yes, the DC area has survived the coldest freeze in 20 years and I realized I have no idea how to deal with the cold and there is a lot more to learn about adulthood at 27 than I originally thought.

For instance,

• Clean snow off car COMPLETELY before driving. Don't want anything falling in your line of vision while driving.
• Related: Need something more than ice scraper to remove said snow.
• Gloves, ear-warmers, scarves, neck-warmers. fleece-lined jackets/tights are invaluable. I'm lucky I got some cold weather gear for Christmas that came in so handy this week! (Thanks mom!)
• Leave water running overnight for especially cold freezes (can sometimes help) and use space heaters for pipes. It helps if walls were insulated well beforehand.
• Know who to call to report homeless people and animals in need of shelter.
• Give yourself much more time to get to work in the morning. Cars don't like the cold.

In other less educational news, though, I had a birthday since my last post! I cannot believe I'm 27 years old, mostly because I feel like I would have felt so much more officially 'adult' by now. I think a lot of that has to do with factors outside of my control and a lot of it has to do with learning a little something each day. It's actually pretty re-assuring to know that there are so many things left to learn and explore. Many adventures left to be had.

Graffiato

I hadn't wanted to do anything special for my birthday mostly because I was all celebrated out after the holidays. Mike got me a salon/spa gift card so I enjoyed some relaxation and then (at the very last minute) realized that I didn't want to make dinner or stay in the night of my birthday. We were able to get a reservation for Graffiato and see American Hustle in theaters.

Graffiato surprisingly really won me over. I chose the place because my friend Kelly recommended it and it's known for having Prosecco on tap. I got there early and had some Prosecco and another mixed drink at the bar while waiting. The mixed drink was recommended and was called "Comfortably Numb" (vodka, galliano, aperol, blood orange, ginger beer). It was one of the best mixed drinks I've ever had and I don't think because I got it for free after I told the bartender it was my birthday (although free things always taste better). I think it was the ginger beer! I was so surprised by how much I liked the mixed drink and was equally impressed with the food. Here is a link to Graffiato's menu. They have family-style tapas (small dishes). I didn't get any pictures because everything was inhaled, but standouts were brussel sprouts with pancetta, burrata with caviar, and the pork ragu gnocchi. The chocolate budino was a standout dessert. Graffiato is definitely a new favorite fancier restaurant in DC. It's hard for me to get full and feel satisfied during a tapas style meal without ordering a ton of plates, but the food was so well-prepared and balanced that I felt completely satisfied. The dessert was rich and flavorful (strong bittersweet dark chocolate flavor) that I actually couldn't finish it alone! Well done, Graffiato.

American Hustle

American Hustle (the movie) was not as impressive. The theater was extremely warm for some reason (over compensating for the chill?) and I actually fell asleep (this happens easily when I'm in a very warm space...I know, I'm a child) during what I assume was a crucial part of the plot. When I came to a little bit later, everyone around me found the jokes funnier than I did and I just couldn't get into it. I did find Jennifer Lawrence adorable, as always, but that's about it. 

I kind of almost wish I had seen Frozen again (because I've had the soundtrack stuck in my head since seeing it), but at least I got a birthday picture with Olaf before leaving the theater!

Olaf really steals the show in this picture.

Resolutions

I'm less into making resolutions for the new year than I used to be. I keep pretty up-to-date with my ongoing lists of personal, professional, financial goals and thus like to use the new year and my birthday as an opportunity to reflect on broader themes in my life and re-adjusting my ongoing goals. I also find it easier to avoid my extreme perfectionistic tendencies when I switch my perspectives of goals to themes and patterns of habits rather than specific measurements or outcomes. Therefore, I decided to choose a word for 2014. I think it's a very silly word and was hesitant to share, but once I thought of the word, I couldn't let it go. The word is SURE-FOOTED and it probably came to mind because one of my favorite books when I was little was "Fritz and the Beautiful Horses" where Fritz is often referred to as a sure-footed pony. The moral of the story is a timeless one and reminds me of staying true to yourself. The word sure-footed makes me think of all the possibilities of the upcoming year and how I want to stay true to myself and self-assured through whatever comes my way. To me, it means taking ownership over your decisions and your life and consistently pursuing your passions. It means remaining steady and dependable and faithful even when you don't always know the outcome, and it makes me smile.

Besides my #oneword, I'm also trying to cross many of the things off of this list I saw in a blog...just to, you know, get a head start: http://www.20-nothings.com/2014/01/30-resolutions-for-30-somethings.html

#LeanIn2014

I'm back home from the annual NYE cabin trip and refusing to travel for a while. I need to be a hermit for a couple of days. I can't believe the past month went by so fast. Here are some quick updates on things I've been meaning to update everyone on.

• December traveling
• Richmond and Williamsburg



Submarine subs from a Richmond restaurant we ate at. They weren't joking around.



Candy shop in Williamsburg. I really wanted a gingerbread, but restrained myself.

• Mike and I journeyed with Kelly and Alex to Williamsburg and got to enjoy Williamsburg things like the the candy shop, cheese shop, Blue Talon, Aroma's, Yule log, and Paul's pizza. First we stopped in Richmond to visit Mike's friend Tyler from Woodberry and his wife Bitsy (we went to their wedding this summer). Our friend's Kylie and Cohen also journeyed up from Virginia Beach to hang out.
• Pre-Christmas at Home



Mike spending some quality time with Ashton. Ashton is trying to figure out Mike.



The closest I caught to a smile. My cute boy.

• Mike and I went to my house to exchange Christmas presents and I got to spend more time with Ashton. He had already changed so much from the last time I saw him! He was making 'gah' sounds and sorta kinda smiling and he liked to play a kick-y game with Mike and I. Mike also mesmerized Ashton by introducing him to Mr. Snaps, a game where Mike snaps his fingers nonstop for like 5 min.
• North Carolina for Christmas



Selfie during the Doctor Who Christmas Special.

• The similarities between last Christmas and this one were comforting to me. I had to work the day before Christmas Eve and the day after the day after Christmas so it was the same pressed schedule as last year. We watched Love Actually again on Christmas Eve and ate Moroccan Tagine. We went ate saltine cracker toffee and went to Nanny Mary Anne's house where I was, once again, welcomed by everyone in the house. We watched Muppet Christmas carol and feasted on Southern food. And Rachel and I had a Christmas pajama photo shoot. 
• New Years Eve at Smith Mountain Lake



#LeanIn2014 Our unofficial girls' motto for the weekend.



My Person & I






All of us after midnight.

• It was really hard to leave Mike behind for NYE, but I completely support his decision to wedge is foot in the door. I would have done the same thing and I'm so proud of his determination in the face of a really difficult situation. At NYE, we watched a lot of The Walking Dead, held our annual Secret Santa gift exchange, slept a lot, played pool and darts, played Boom and Munchkin and Settlers of Catan and the girls bonded and the boys bonded and we all watched the ball drop together. These are people I can completely be myself around and I always take that for granted until I see them again and realize.....I don't need to be anyone. I don't have to be entertaining or a great hostess or pretend that I'm completely grown-up or pretend that I'm perfect. Even when I was pacing around worrying myself like crazy because I didn't know Mike's surgery was delayed and hadn't heard from him, they didn't care that I needed time alone. They know all of the parts of me and love me for that. I'm so lucky to have this group of friends. 
• Mike's surgery
• His blog says most of it (http://walkingintoabuzzsaw.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-ear-is-still-attached.html). Even though I think it's an understatement that Mike doesn't like being taken care of, I still wish I was there. I'm glad I wasn't, though, because I probably would have stressed him out more.
• New job



Verizon Center

• Mike and I had the opportunity to go to the Wizards game on December 30th to hang out with some of my coworkers and meet some of my students. We got free chipotle and to stay in a suite box!
• I start my new job on January 13th and have a week left to transition students from my old job. I still have so much to do in preparation. I have to shop for new health care policies. I need to do a lot of paperwork and am also going to try to plan a goodbye happy hour with my coworkers.
• My new job is working for a nonprofit doing advising for first generation college students and I feel really good about the work environment so I'm really excited to start in a couple of weeks.
• New Year



Poster my mom got me for Christmas.

• While watching the Doctor Who Christmas special, this quote stood out to me: "We all change. When you think about it, we're all different people all through our lives. And that's OK, that's good, as long as you keep moving, as long as you remember all the people that you used to be." I know the new year is just another day, but because it's been advent and because the new year is followed shortly by my birthday and our anniversary, I get really reflective this time of year. I'm also starting a new job this time. I feel on the brink of regeneration and don't know quite what that means yet, but I'm excited for all of the possibilities that lie ahead. I'm excited that I think I'm on the cusp of some really big changes in my life. I'm excited for all that 2014 has in store. 
• Birthday
• Mike got me a spa/salon gift card for my birthday which is probably half because I asked for something like that and half because I always make him rub my shoulders. On Saturday, my sister, her boyfriend, my nephew, and my mom are coming into the city and we're going to get brunch. I'm so excited to spend time with my nephew. Then I have a massage schedule and I have no idea what else I'll do right now. I'm going to be 27 and what I'm craving more than anything is just some time to rest and relax.