Being Known + More Apartment Photos

Is there anything better than being known and understood, and still being loved in spite of all that understanding? I don't think there is.

I'm a perfectly imperfect person, but there have been a few experiences lately that I want to remember because they made me feel so understood and so loved.

• This past weekend, one of Mike's grandmas quietly said to him: "I think Kelsey is a person who needs to eat regularly. Make sure she gets some food." I had started to feel sick after graduation and being in the heat all day and, after she said this, I realized I'd not eaten since breakfast. I always feel like I know how I'm feeling, but his grandma was able to recognize why I was feeling sick before I was and that stood out to me as a wonderful feeling.
• Mike and I went to a Children of Eden concert at the Kennedy Center this past Monday evening and, although I know I had very limited exposure to musical theatre when I first met him, I felt like our experience was very much a joint one. We are moved in similar ways in the music, if that makes sense and we have a shared appreciation for the experience. He can tell when a particular song makes me want to cry and I can tell when a note makes him grimace inside, even though nothing shows physically. (Btw, Children of Eden was awesome and we are now HUGE fans of Jeremy Jordan and Ashley Brown.)
• My coworkers and I often have de-briefing meetings where we often coach each other through specific experiences in our lives. During yesterday's meeting, I chose to share an experience that made me feel very vulnerable and was instantly met with my coworkers sharing she'd had the same experience before. My vulnerability and honesty was instantly met with assurance and acceptance and I knew there was a reason I felt led to share with them.
• Anytime I text Kelly anything starting with "This is going to sound crazy, but....." and she automatically responds with listening, understanding, and a Grey's or The Hills (shows that we 'grew up' to during our college days) reference that could not express better exactly how I feel.
• I work in education and my sorority Little (who is getting married this summer) is a special education teacher. We talked recently and were both trying to describe how we feel working in schools towards the end of the semester, but we didn't need to use any real words besides..."yeah...it's THAT feeling". 
• My sister Kim can nail down what I'm trying to explain to her before I've even found the words to express it (and I go through a LOT of words in the meantime). I hope she goes into counseling work one day.
• In general, whenever I'm around Mike's family, I feel as understood and uninhibited as I do around my own. There is lots of love and a lot of laughs and a lot of 'warmth'. I think I feel this more strongly because my extended family is very small. I only have one grandma left who I am close to. I'm so thankful for my time with his family from this past weekend.

Now, more future apartment photos...

Living area. The small kitchenette in the corner, There will also be a mini-fridge. There is also an upstairs kitchen that can be used.

Just a long hallway in between the two rooms and a bathroom on the left that is still in the works. But....two rooms!

Bedroom that now houses a small desk and mirror(!!!), but will also house a bed!

Big Weekend

I knew it was going to be a big weekend, but was not aware how big it had been until Monday morning rolled around and I realized I needed another weekend. It was all for good reasons, though. How many milestones did Mike reach in his life this weekend? Too many. Well....at least have pictures of everything. 

Mike getting commissioned by his grandfather.

Closer....

My lovely coworker, Alicia, who graciously offered her photography services for the day!

Things getting official.

Any excuse to buy something themed, right?

I made Mike let me write on the chalkboard at a restaurant we were at:):) 

And then kids made it better haha:)

<3

It was a beautiful day for a graduation!

After the ceremony!

A sneak peek of one of the rooms in the new apartment!:)

One of the most adorable photos of Ashton from the past week:)

For once, Mike was more descriptive than me (and he used the better pictures that Alicia took) so here is the link to his blog if you want more details:) http://walkingintoabuzzsaw.blogspot.com/

Change and Pollen are in the Air

I think it's inevitable, when you've been in or working in education for as long as I have to feel a little good anxious this time of year. It's graduation time. A time when many milestones are reached, grades come back, and change is in the air. Two years ago, I was excited to graduate, but also anxious about finding a job. Now, I'm anxious for my students and so incredibly proud of all that they have accomplished this year.

I am proud of many of my law student friends graduating this year too. Come Friday, Mike will officially be in the Navy. I can't believe it. After all that it took to get him to this point.....I hope I don't cry at the ceremony. (I likely will.) We have so many celebrations planned for this weekend and I'm trying to talk Mike into taking every advantage of the celebrations before the hard work of Bar study begins. 

Change is coming to my life too....indirectly and directly. I'm planning on moving to a new apartment at the beginning of July. It is less expensive and more room and, even though my commute will be a little bit longer, it will definitely be worth the transition. I'm also starting a part-time nannying gig today that will easily work with my flexible job schedule. Clearly, I like to stay busy. 

While I'll miss the short Spring we're having, I'm so excited for the summer. There is a wedding I'm going to be in, a trip to the beach planned, a move, and I'm sure there will be many more celebrations when Mike is done with the bar! 

It has been a great semester and here are some pictures of some recent adventures/trips:

Ben Folds concert.

MJ and Baby Ashton.

Smiles:)

Loving his hat.

And then pictures from Longwood Gardens....

Add caption

Forget-Me-Nots

Wisteria, I believe...

After we were caught in a downpour...

Leaning Into Joy

Ever since I finished Brene Brown's book "The Gifts of Imperfection", I couldn't wait to read her follow-up book "Daring Greatly". Brene approaches things we all deal with in our lives (like shame and vulnerability) from a perspective that is simultaneously academic and down-to-earth. I bought the audiobook so that I could listen to it in the car and, until I'm finished with it, there might be a few blog posts on things that really resonate with me. 

"Having spent several years studying what it means to feel joyful, I’d argue that joy is probably the most difficult emotion to really feel." - Brene Brown

You would think joy would be one of the easier emotions to feel compared to the less-than-desirables out there, but joy can leave us feeling vulnerable. Brene gives the example of putting her children to bed at night and being overwhelmed with love for them and fear for if she ever lost them. We know that life is often outside of our control and sometimes trying to prepare ourselves for the worst can keep us from experiencing joy in the moment.

For me, I can think of two examples in which I haven't been letting myself feel joy fully. 

1) I absolutely love my new job. Because my last job was not a healthy work environment, I often get afraid of feeling extreme joy with my current work situation because I just didn't believe I was capable of experiencing this and now I'm afraid of it being an illusion.

2) Mike getting back into JAG. Both of us have struggles with actually feeling the joy associated with Mike actually getting through the medical clearance process with JAG. We were so happy at the beginning of this whole process and then became jaded by the obstacles that kept arising in his path. Now that things finally seem official (he is commissioning on May 16th!), we're still afraid to feel TOO happy about everything, lest this all be some joke.

"We’re trying to beat vulnerability to the punch. We don’t want to be blindsided by hurt. We don’t want to be caught off-guard, so we literally practice being devastated or never move from self-elected disappointment." - Brene Brown

The sad thing is....we can never keep ourselves from being hurt or being vulnerable. Even if we control absolutely everything about a situation....perfectly. And protecting ourselves from future disappointment by not feeling joy does not make future disappointments hurt any less. It is also robbing us of our time in the present! I know that practicing joy and gratitude in the moment (and not worrying about if or when things will change) is something that I need to work on.

“I used to think that the best way to go through life was to expect the worst. That way, if it happened, you were prepared, and if it didn’t happen, you were pleasantly surprised. Then I was in a car accident and my wife was killed. Needless to say, expecting the worst didn’t prepare me at all. And worse, I still grieve for all of those wonderful moments we shared that I didn’t fully enjoy.” -a story a man told Brene that she retold in Daring Greatly

I am really happy in my job. I did not actually believe it was possible to enjoy working full-time this much and I did not think it was possible to feel this fulfilled in my work outside of the clinical mental health counseling. My coworkers are amazing, wonderful women who inspire me to be a better professional every day.....AND they're super cool. I feel incredibly blessed to be a part of that team.

I am ecstatic about Mike's upcoming Navy JAG commissioning and I'm so proud of his resilient attitude throughout this entire process. I'm just unbelievably excited for him. He figured out what he wanted to do and set his heart and sights on it. I'm pretty sure if I found out that the thing I'd set my heart on doing had a 4% acceptance rate, I would have adjusted my heart and expectations to something a little less risky. But Mike pursued it wholeheartedly even throughout every moment in the past year in which someone told him it was no longer an option. 

What are you grateful for in your life? Is there anything you're afraid of that is keeping you from experiencing joy fully?

Note: I got my "Daring Greatly" book quotes from this other blog post on the same topic. It's also worth a read!