It has been a rough couple of weeks for me. The kind of weeks where you never feel caught up on sleep and motivating yourself to go to work every morning is a struggle. I still want to do a recap post on all of the good/exciting things that happened: a show, a birthday, the cherry blossom festival, my first froyo of the warm season, I got on a cupcake kick, and then an avocado kick which I'm still on.
Some not so good things happened too. In fact, a lot of not so good things in one week. Boston, Texas, toxic letters being mailed to our nation's leaders? I also got asked out by a guy at a professional event I was working and, when I had to tell him no and that it was something I didn't feel comfortable with, he called me several names, one of them being "immature". I immediately stopped listening to him after that because (please) I was named "Most Mature" in Kids Camp superlatives when I was like in 4th grade. Out of all of my weaknesses, immaturity is not one, but I was disappointed that a man had chosen the route of trying to make me feel horrible so that he could feel better about the situation. That was all on top of what had already happened. And I don't take tragedies well. I was checking my twitter obsessively until they caught the bombers. My heart hurts for the people that were hurt and for a while it seemed like the whole world was going crazy. I mean, this kind of violence happens every day in other other countries, right?
I think at that part I just started telling myself that everything will get better when ____________________. You really can just fill in the blank with anything because I fill it in with everything, myself.
When the weather is warm again.....
When I start going to the gym again......
When I get promoted.....
When it's summer.....
When the school year is over.....
When it's Friday......
When they find the bomber....
When I get used to living in the city....
When I feel completely competent at my job....
Then I saw this quote on Pinterest:
I started to think how true that is in my life sometimes. I wait for the perfect time to start living my life, to start doing the things that I want to do the most. Sometimes it is out of fear, sometimes it is because of the perfectionist inside of me who insists on having everything together to move forward. But how long will I be waiting? I know as soon as summer hits, I'll be waiting for Fall. And then I end up never enjoying anything while it's happening to me! And life is glorious and should be enjoyed. I appreciate it more after these past couple of rough weeks than ever.
Excerpt from Shauna who always has the perfect words for everything.
“I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized. Then the married person, then the person I’d become when we have kids. For twenty years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin. And through all that waiting, here I am. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin.”
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The pinner who pinned the waiting quote above added his/her own caption that said "I want to live for Monday." That's what I want to start living for too:
For Mondays...
For winter....
For the bittersweet times...
For everyday moments that might not seem that significant, but that end up being our whole lives....
I still want to appreciate the various seasons of life for what they are, but I want to BE PRESENT in every moment of every season.
I might even eat froyo in the winter.
