So I know this quote comes across pretty harsh. At least when I read it all I could think was "ouch" because this girl has been complaining a lot lately. Not out loud, of course. But in my head it's been a bit of an ongoing whine-fest. I'd like to replace the "those who are obsessed with themselves" with "those who compare themselves to others". It still boils down to selfishness, but is a more accurate description of what I've been doing lately.
I failed at something recently. I didn't talk about it to too many people and don't want to give details because it's not a big deal, but there was something that I was something I was trying to do and I was not able to. I took a risk and failed. Right after that happened, I began comparing myself to others more than usual. I think it was a way I was trying to re-motivate myself to keep on trying and not get discouraged, but telling yourself "Look at all of these other people and how they are not failing like you did" is not the best way to encourage yourself and likely going to backfire.
That's what happened. Comparing myself and my situation to others was a recipe for misery. The reality is: there will always be someone who is 'succeeding' more in any given area than I am. There will always be things that I could improve about myself or situation, BUT it's so easy to mix up "continuously striving to improve" with "never being satisfied where you are". (I like to call it the TWAMP effect because I think many of us over-achieving, perfectionist WM types are prone to falling into this pattern.)
The good news is you don't have to live in this pattern. The lyric "love the one you hold" has been stuck in my head lately from the Mumford and Sons song "Lover of the Light". That lyric (regardless of what it's actually about) makes me think of loving what and where you are in a given moment....loving an investing in what you have. This is gratitude and it's the antidote to the misery that comes with comparison and and the downward spiral of a negative and self-deprecating mentality.
I've been guilty of this. It's very easy to get caught up in the 'race' of D.C./LittleWilliamandMary life sometimes and to feel like what you are doing is so small compared to what others are doing that you must be behind....you must be doing something wrong...right? Gratitude: I am enough. I spend my workweek doing something I love and at the end of the day spending time with people I love. Gratitude: Everything is not perfect right now, but I am enough right now. And using that gratitude to focus outward rather than inward. Gratitude: Things do not always come easily to me, but they come a lot more easily for me than they do for other people. How can I use my skills to help others? Gratitude: I am alive and I have today. What am I going to do with it?
I found some speech by Billy Graham online that says somewhere in it: "We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition". I think that really gets at the heart of why comparison cloaked in 'ambition' or other things can be so toxic and why it is hard to recognize. Like I said, I think there is a fine line between wanting to continually improve and grow and entering a persistent state of discontent. So, for now, I'm practicing gratitude...even on the days when it seems like hard work...and I'm looking for ways to serve.
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